Threshold consciousness

The perils of being mindful when you can’t get someone out of your head.

Stop where you are and ground yourself.
Breathe.
In…
Out…
but all I think about is you;
my awareness is preoccupied
with its awareness of your absence.

I close my eyes to the world
and try to still my mind.

There you are.
Again.

But it’s not a worry
or a longing,
it’s just the constant presence
of the knowledge of your existence,
like some of your energy
is keeping me company,
reminding me
that somewhere
there is someone
who wants me to be happy
even though
I do nothing
but antagonise.

Breathe.
Tame your monkey mind.

In the final lingering moments
between wakefulness and sleep –
when I feel as though you’re there with me,
falling asleep around me,
and making me feel safe –
I feel this connection start to fade
but it’s not because you’re leaving me.
On the contrary:
you have just run on ahead
to meet me in my dreams.