I don’t really understand
why we’re living this way,
Why we’ve settled for this –
for less than what we deserve.
Not that anything could really change.
We’re still us, after all.
I just wanted to take all the inspiration I could get from you.
I thought it was a game,
I thought I could play and not take it seriously
but I take everything seriously
(except when I’m supposed to).
But you stopped me.
You stopped me going under;
Never drowning but never reaching shore,
aimlessly treading water
Instead of immersion in sensation,
I have waves of sadness with which to pass the time
but I don’t want to let go
because the moments of happiness
and the moments of peace, of floating in nothing,
just existing in that particular place in time and space
are unlike anything I have found elsewhere.
Given the choice of having but keeping it secret or never having at all, I would – speaking from experience – probably prefer the latter.
But I would still choose the former
I only have myself to blame when I panic and start to sink.