Doesn’t everyone want to be looked after sometimes?
Even the bulletproof need to be cherished.
(I think my dealer is trying to get me hooked again.)
He sat me down
And told me I was ‘vulnerable’
And I thought:
‘Shit, I thought I was hiding it so well.’
But it’s there on the surface
And underneath my skin
And there’s no hiding it from anyone.
I can’t stand up for myself.
I never learned how.
When I get frightened (and I still get frightened)
I feel so alone.
I hold my keys between my fingers
And clench my fist around them
Because it’s the only way
My knuckles stand a chance of doing as much damage as yours.
And I’m alone here,
I’ve been left to defend myself,
And I just want someone to back me up
Or push me aside so I don’t get hurt
But instead I’m left to deal with
The shouting and screaming and threats and abuse.
I hate being called ‘baby’,
In case you’re wondering why I disappeared.
I’m not a pop song and you’re fucking awkward.
Sing me to sleep.
Just don’t serenade me.
Merely sing to yourself in my ear.
I want to be told I’m beautiful
But not by everyone –
I don’t like that kind of attention.
Too many eyes.
I fight it
And they call me ungrateful.
You have magnificent eyes.
Everyone on TV has such delicious-looking food
And I am literally fucking starving.
I wish someone would save me
Or, at the very least,
Tell me that they’ve got my back
And let me worry about them instead.
Just say: ‘It’s okay. I’ve got this.’
And let me play the role
Of the girl being untied from the tracks
Just in time.
We’ll walk off into the sunset
Covered in blood and
Crushing their teeth into the pavement with our footsteps.
I want to be someone you can’t mess with.
(Ten years ago:
‘please be my date to this.’)
Please don’t feel guilty
For anything we’ve done together.
You and I are just a bit strange,
and this is just a daydream caused by fever.