Detox/redux

Words are a bit dangerous, aren’t they?

When you read something really personal, you relate to it. You imagine yourself there. So what happens when I write about you? Do you realise? Do you imagine yourself as I’m imagining you?

If you insert yourself into my fantasies about you, then that’s not really my fault, is it? You’re just fucking (with) my mind.

And I know you’re avoiding me, and I …actually don’t know why. Why would you run from this?

Let me explain: there are two ways this can go. One where I write a love story, and one where I give up on you forever. And I can do either. It’s up to you. But it’s my kind of love; it’s feverish phone calls and secret messages in letters and running away for the day. It doesn’t last, because it can’t. That kind of love devours itself.

Do you realise how seriously I take everything? When you leave me alone I stand crying in my kitchen telling myself I was stupid for liking someone like you anyway.
Because, just think…

Of course you can love more than one person at once. It’s not the same love, admittedly: the kind of girl who makes you happy below the belt is never going to be the kind of girl who hangs up your clothes.

Calm down a little and imagine how good this could be. You’re not going to forget me now, and if you’re already losing sleep over me then you’re already too far gone because I have burned pathways in your mind.

It’ll burn out, either way. It always does.

0 comments on “Detox/redux

  1. Words can be dangerous. True. Words can save a life, just as quickly as they can kill. They can be empowering. Love is an interesting concept. Say someone falls in love. They later meet someone who they develop feelings for. Are they simply physically attracted to the new soul thereby being only in a state of lust with them? Could that develop into love? What then with their current partner? Why would someone develop feelings for multiple people? Is it simply a survival mechanism, some sort of evolutionary process that simply drives one to procreate to continue their species?

    If that is the case, does that mean there is love? Great read. It makes one think. I personally do believe love is real and exists, but that doesn’t mean I don’t wonder about these things. On another subject, words having power I have only one simple ?

    Say I write the following:

    The night was cold, the rain heavy, I wasn’t quite alone.

    What do you visualize when you read that?

    Once again, loving the blog. If I ever get too pondering or philosophical just let me know. I overthink everything. It is a blessing and a curse. Cheers! ^_^

    • That’s very true. Words have amazing power. And love… well, I’m still not sure I’ve ever been ‘in love’. I’ve been in lust, I’ve been infatuated, I’ve been dizzy and crazy over people, I’ve been happy and fairly content, but I can’t say for certain any of that was love. However, I think all of those feelings come from the same place. And I totally believe you can love more than one person. Every other kind of love works like that, why not romantic? Just because you love your mum doesn’t mean you can’t love your dad. You can love your brother as well as your sister. We love our friends, some more than others. I think love is how we bond as a species, in whatever form it takes.

      I visualise myself reading a book. I’m alone, but not quite 🙂

      And thank you again! Your comments are wonderful. (And I totally relate!)

      • Yeah, love is a tricky thing, and has many different levels and even interpretations. I think they vary by person. I am grateful you appreciate the comments. I can get long winded and often I find, even among friends, it can get rather annoying. Sometimes they will post something simple like Hi, thinking they have got one over on me and I will then retort with a book length reply, partially because I often can’t help it and also to let them know I know what they are trying to do.

        I like your interpretation of the sentence. That is the wonderful thing with words. A simple vague sentence such as the one in the previous comment can be interpreted so many different ways by different souls and their imaginations. I have always loved writing, and have been doing it since I was super little. I think part of it is I have a very active imagination and the other part of it is, I love reading equally as much as writing.

        I am glad you enjoy my commenting and can appreciate and relate to my ridiculously long and sometimes rambling posts. ^_^

        • Definitely – everyone experiences it differently, and it’s different for every experience. Argh, I hate it when I sent long messages and I get back ‘OK’ or something. (I’m pretty sure that partly comes from when we used to have to pay for each text message we sent – I was determined to get my money’s worth!)

          Thanks. It is great how our minds can create different universes from the exact same prompts! I’ve also been writing (privately) since I was very young, and I read as much as I possibly can. Which isn’t enough these days… 🙁

          I’m glad you comment – I like hearing how you interpret what I’ve written!

          • Well, it is always wonderful to write. It is quite often how I escape. It has helped me through the worst points of my life thus far. I consider myself lucky to be alive! ^_^ I’ve more than had my fair share of brushes with Death.

            Sometimes I ponder writing about certain aspects of my life but it would weird the world out and so I choose to keep them private. I went to counseling a little while back for a pretty recent trauma, and I remember the dude asking me if I ever heard voices or saw things that others didn’t. I lied to him. Yeah, real healthy, lying to your counselor but honestly, if I told him a lot about my childhood and life in general he’d be sending me to the asylum right quick I think. Xp

            Anyways, I guess my point is, regardless of whether you are doing so privately or publicly, writing is a great way to deal. To be perfectly honest, ever since I was little I have had a gnawing insatiable need to write. As I grew up it only got stronger. I have to write, quite literally. If I don’t…I start losing my mind.

            I don’t mean like I’m crazy but I feel like I’ve lost my very soul. I’m constantly compelled to write. So often if I’m not posting something here I’m writing something privately, or reading. Still reading, just makes me want to write more. I found after a while if I was reading something, or gaming, or watching a film (any medium of storytelling really) and I didn’t find something to experience that I wanted to experience, well I had to write it myself! Xp

            I know that sounds super narcissistic but I don’t intend it to be I promise! ^_^

          • That’s how I felt (well, feel really) about some of the things I’ve been writing about… I’d be interested to read what goes on in your head, anyway! And I’ve lied to many therapists… Partly because I don’t want them to know how bad I’ve been, but partly because if they knew the truth then they might not help me. For example: who is going to treat an amphetamine addict for anxiety?
            And that’s awesome… I wish I had the time to write more. I got too used to just keeping my thoughts inside my head, but there are too many of them and it’s upsetting that I’ve lost so many. I’m trying to catch up now. There’s so much I want to say…
            And nah, it’s not *super* narcissistic… 😉 I think writers are all a little narcissistic anyway!

          • Yeah, I suppose all writers have to be a tad narcissistic in order to write. Glad I’m not the only one who has ever lied to my therapist. We can relate. I’m not sure you would want to glimpse in my mind. It can be a very dark place.

            Mm…in all fairness I enjoy reading your thoughts so I suppose I have no room to say anything about not glimpsing into the mind. I was awoken even though I should be trying to sleep some more for work in a few hours. I felt the need to write. My son is crashed next to me though so that is nice. There was a point to the above but I’m losing that. Xp Kind of like the following:

            My mind is full of nightmares and mystery.
            How I long to solve most
            Many involve quite a few ghosts
            Shadows of the past
            Surrounding me in darkness
            Endless is my misery
            I find happiness through the mystery
            Long is the pain
            I awake at the midnight hour
            Compelled to write again
            All the madness and pain
            Even the happiness at times seems grim
            Do you still wish…
            To glimpse…
            Inside the eternal nightmare
            Within?
            -The Endless Nightmare Within-

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